He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
