Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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