I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
