Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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