my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
