Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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