Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
