I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
