He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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