Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
