Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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