we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
