Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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