I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
