i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
