Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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