i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
