I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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