Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
