He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
