i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I CAN MOONWALK!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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