Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
being pregnant is like rehab
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
