This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
