Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
