Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
