i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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