I have demons in me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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