it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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