if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize