I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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