i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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