Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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