He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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