I think I won the penis lottery.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
