just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize