I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
