Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
