I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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