How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
