I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Randomize
