Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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