after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My ass is underappreciated
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize