you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
