I think i peed on brittanys purse
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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