and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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