Fine. I'll sleep in my office
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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