do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
