My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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