Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
