I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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