That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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