Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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