the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
