Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
