Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
