ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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