It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i think my cat just said my name.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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