If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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