quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
