the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
