i jhust puked up my retainher.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
