she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
