dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
