Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
