It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
