in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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