My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
