so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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