Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
