Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
40s are totally the cure
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
