watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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