You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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