Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
